M finally lived up to my expectations. I expected that Day 60 would come and go without a word from him or without repayment of what he owes me both in cash and property.
It has taken me some time to realize that its not my responsibility to remind him of what he owes me. It’s not my job to to make sure he is aware of the day or the details. We both received the same copy of the divorce decree. We both signed the same paperwork.
Worst part is that I’m a nice person — probably nicer than I should be where he is concerned. If he had communicated with me, I am fairly certain that while I wouldn’t have been happy about a delay in paying me back, I would have been understanding. But as my preacher said to me months ago… Lower your expectations. He said I hold M to a high standard and that’s why I’m so disappointed when he fails to come through. I said, I only hold him to the same standards I would hold myself to. Preacher just gave me that knowing glance that conveyed without words that M will never live up to those standards. And so I did lower my expectations and what do you know… M actually met them.
And honestly, it makes me sad. Sad that I still wanted to believe he had a bit of something in him that would cause him to do the right thing but at least I am not devastated by it. It sucks, don’t get me wrong. I could use that $170, after all, it is Christmas; but in the grand scheme of it all, the fact that M can lay his head down and sleep at night says all I will ever need to know about him.